I have heard stories of people living their entire lives, but never actually living them. Stories about people living from day to day, living for their parents' dreams and wishes, even living because they are simply too afraid to die. I think the worst life a person can live, is a life where their foundation for happiness is a lie. Sure, many people can make a lie work in their favor. If riches and professional successes outweigh pure joy of the heart and mind, well then, more often then not, to those individuals living a lie is a small price to pay. Does everyone really have a career-related purpose on this planet? Is there some profession, some "calling" that every person is meant to fulfill? I wish I knew the answer to that question. Some days I wonder why I am even here; in Michigan, in America, even on planet earth. I am not on a path toward any discernible purpose, and I am not getting any younger. It's strange, our minds can choose to live in the past, but our bodies can never experience such events ever again. Oh how I wish I could go back, back to high school and junior high. There is an exorbitant amount of aspects and situations I would change. Substantial, life changes to my body, my self esteem, my perception of other people, and my environment. But, thinking about the past has only ever lead me to feel bitter, shameful, and isolated. Perhaps the reason I look so far back into my own past, is because I am hoping to find my path. It may not make sense, but I feel as though my path was shown to me years ago, and that I missed it, or turned away from it. The track on which my proverbial train car of life is resting upon, has already been determined. I just pray to god that sooner rather than later, I find out what the hell it's made of.
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