Not So Brief Introductions

Perquisition (n): A thorough inquiry of search.

I titled this, my first blog, 21 Perquisitions, because I am 21 and searching. So original, right? Also, I really like saying the word perquisition. Pur-quiz-ition! Rolls right off the tongue. I have some vague idea of what it is I'm searching for; my identity. Ones identity is a big deal, and I haven't fully grasped mine yet. I can, at this moment, openly say I do not know who I am or what I want my life to be. For a while, that intimidated me. I would not admit that to anyone, especially myself. I thought I had to know exactly who I was, and what I wanted to be before I was 21. And yet, here I am, sitting on my Aunt and Uncle's orange couch from the 70's, feeling dizzy from the Mono, realizing I am two weeks past 21 and totally aimless. My contraction of mono could be considered a blessing and a curse. On one hand, my days are dull and the hours run together like melted frosting. I am not able to workout, but  do eat far and above my daily caloric intake for my designated BMI. My days consist of eating, sleeping, and fantasizing about a different life. Sounds pathetic, I know, but it's quite liberating. You see, because of mono, I could very well discover my path in life. I'm hoping I discover something of value in the 2-3 months I am confined, other then finally seeing what I would look like fat (which, given how much I've been eating, is a likely possibility). The brake on my train car of a life has been pulled, and I am here, still on the track, but stranded out in the middle of nowhere left to wait. There is nothing left for me to do but unpack my train car, and examine it's contents.

Let's start with what has caused me the most internal anguish; choice of major/future career path. I have jumped from too many career paths and majors over the past 3 years. It's as if I become anxious when routine begins to develop, and I constantly feel unsatisfied with life in general. I feel as though there should be more to my life then this. The future seems to just fall into place for so many people, why won't it for me?! Granted, I don't feel trapped in this cosmic struggle, it's not that severe. I simply wish I knew what I wanted and had a clear, attainable goal to reach. But I don't. Screw making money or having security in life. I just want to be happy with me, myself, and I. Because in the end, all we are left with is ourselves anyway. But, I digress. It is my hope that while my train car is stopped, I can de-clutter and begin filling it with what it is I truly want. This blog is going to help me do so. But, I think this introduction has gone on long enough. It's time for me to roll up my sleeves and get to work on constructing my identity. Now, where do I start?